Drift

[ladymercury_10]

Title: Drift
Fandom: Doctor Who
Characters: Eleven
Word Count: 394
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I own no Who, as usual.
Summary:  It’s so quiet he’s certain the silence will kill him if the lack of air doesn’t get him first.  
A/N: Written for Challenge 3 at whoverse_las 

Sometimes he dreams that his TARDIS is no more than the police box she appears to be.  He finds himself spinning in the void, toes on the threshold of a hollowed-out phone box, blasted by the elements and slowly rotting away.  He teeters on the edge and there’s nothing to hold on to but wood worn thin as paper.  Vertigo rises from somewhere even deeper than his stomach, and he sits down hard, letting his legs dangle through the open doors.  Stars and supernovas wink at him mercilessly.   It’s so quiet he’s certain the silence will kill him if the lack of air doesn’t get him first.

He wakes and puts a furtive hand out for the wall, brushing it with long fingers.  She hums back at him and he thinks, yes, I know it’s my fault.

*

Suppose a closed space of finite proportions containing two bodies governed by random movements.  As time approaches infinity, the probability of their meeting approaches 1.

He thinks about Romana, and all the others he’s lost.  He could go back now, he could be sorry—but there’s nowhere left to go.  It’s not as if he can just pop by E-Space, or Gallifrey, or a whole host of other places where he’s left someone behind. 

He knows probability works differently for wanderers in the fourth dimension.  But he’s seen a real miracle now, a whole universe healed of its cracks, and he can’t help but hope.

*

Watches are cool.  He wears a watch now, because he’s finally conceded that linear time might be worth knowing, if not keeping up with.  When the little hand creeps toward twelve, hovering over his pulse point, and Amy pulls Rory off to bed, he finds time starts to slow.  He can fiddle with the zigzag plotter and the gramophone for hours, he can read books he bought centuries ago and tossed aside, he can even fly off on his own adventures while he waits—but he can’t shake the feeling of being on his own. 

He hates being tied down, but he can’t stop tying heartstrings and having them yanked fiercely from the other end. 

*

It’s so easy to come untethered, floating out into time and space, and a lifeline always hurts when it’s pulled.  He winds the lines around his hands and holds on for all he’s worth. 

 

 

Comments

[astrogirl2.livejournal.com]

Oooh, I like this a lot.

[ladymercury-10.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[eve11]

Wonderful character study. Very well done.

[ladymercury-10.livejournal.com]

:) Thanks!

[templeremus.livejournal.com]

Lovely imagery. Particularly liked the idea of the ties that bind the Doctor, with its climax in the last line; something both brave and vulnerable in that phrasing, all at once. Very him.
Off to read it again.

[elisi]

But he’s seen a real miracle now, a whole universe healed of its cracks, and he can’t help but hope.
Oh this.

It’s so easy to come untethered, floating out into time and space, and a lifeline always hurts when it’s pulled. He winds the lines around his hands and holds on for all he’s worth.
Beautiful and perfect, and very, very him.

[ladymercury-10.livejournal.com]

Oh, that's very kind. Thank you! I'm blushing.

[ladymercury-10.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I was afraid at first it would come off a bit too Ten-ish, with the angst and what.

[elisi]

Oh no. I think the angst and the pain is still there, but Eleven holds on despite all that - he knows the price but is willing to pay it, because he's lived through the alternative.

[ladymercury-10.livejournal.com]

How do you mean?

[elisi]

I was thinking of Ten deciding to travel alone, because losing people became too painful, but we see Eleven forge new bonds (cautiously at first - see him threatening to send Amy home in 'The Beast Below' or the way he wants to run from River), but eventually hold onto his new friends, despite the pain, despite the fact that he knows he'll lose them, that they're never really be all his.

(Love the bit with Romana btw. Love, love, love. Because hope is such an important thing, and something Ten - to a certain degree - lost.)

[someplacetobe.livejournal.com]

This was a lovely character study!

[promethia_tenk]

Oh, Doctor.

Beautiful and sad. And there's this crystalline quality that some of your fics have--austere and precise--that I love.

[ladymercury-10.livejournal.com]

Ah, okay. Thanks for explaining that. And I'm glad you liked it :)

[ladymercury-10.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[ladymercury-10.livejournal.com]

Wow, that's such a wonderful compliment. Thank you!

[honeynoir.livejournal.com]

I adore this! The language is simply beautiful, as is the imagery.
(And my inner Doctor/Romana shipper squeed!)

[ladymercury-10.livejournal.com]

Thank you muchly!

[jennifergale.livejournal.com]

Just lovely.

[ladymercury-10.livejournal.com]

:) Thank you.

[lonewytch.livejournal.com]

*sigh* lovely again. I'm over wordy, and i struggle to express things succinctly when i write, so i've got a lot off appreciation for short pieces that really nail it like this.

I got a real sense of his loneliness. Your last lines are always stellar!

[ladymercury-10.livejournal.com]

Oh wow, that's a really great compliment to get. Thank you! :D

[redjaywrites.livejournal.com]

The Doctor + linear time is like the most difficult, wonderful relationship ever. I love how you've used the Ponds to get that to work. A really great character study as well and I agree with all the other posts, you are the Queen of endings.

[ladymercury-10.livejournal.com]

Oh wow, thank you so much! I always worry that I'm screwing up the endings of things, so that's wonderful to hear!